I’ll admit it, I’m a ‘Friends’ re-run watcher. Since the Comedy Network in the UK is actually just a ‘Friends” re-run channel, (literally all they ever play is ‘Friends’. All day, every day.) the show is on a lot, and has become our default show if nothing else is on. Often though while we’re watching episode after episode of this show, normally during the worst of our weekend hangovers, we find ourselves saying “Oh like that would EVER happen in real life!”. I know it’s a fictional television program, but I decided anyways to make a list of some of the most ridiculous happenings on this show that would never, EVER happen in real life.
1) Being able to always leave the office to go home for lunch, for a coffee at your regular hangout with your pals, or to speak to your wife about moving to Tulsa. I’m referring specifically to episode 2 season 9. Chandler falls asleep in a meeting and agrees to relocate to Tulsa by accident. Instead of calling his wife on the phone like any normal human being, he somehow has time to leave the office, speak to her for five minutes, and then go back to work, to which he then again leaves to speak to Monica again. Sure he may have been on his lunch break, but no one would EVER do this. Surely he can wait until he’s finished work if it needed to be done in person. This would never happen.
2) Living in a huge apartment in New York on a waitress or a chef salary. Fine, so they do mention about Monica’s apartment having rent-control, but have you seen the size of the apartment? It’s HUGE! A waitress in New York makes what $4 or $5 an hour? And surely isn’t making that much money in tips working at a coffee shop. And on the contrary to people assuming chefs make a load of money. They don’t. Unless you’re the head chef at some up-scale restaurant, which Monica isn’t at the beginning of the series, you’re looking at making somewhere between 30k and 40k a year. So again I ask, how on earth do these two afford rent in this ginormous apartment? This would never happen.
3) On the subject of apartments, same goes for Phoebe. Does she even have a job in the first few seasons? She performs terrible music at Central Perk (which to add to the list, why would they even let her perform and drive away their customers?) and is a masseuse for a bit? Yet she seems to be able to afford a huge apartment, and without the help of any roomates at all. This would never happen.
3) And still on the subject of ‘how do they afford living in these apartments?’ what’s the deal with Joey never having a job? And why on earth would Chandler ever let a struggling actor move into his apartment? They met as roomates and didn’t know each other before, yet Chandler seems perfectly happy paying for Joey’s rent, headshots, acting classes etc for years. They mention this in season 8 episode 22 where Chandler falls asleep during Joey’s (finally, only took him 8 years) “big break” in acting, in the WWI movie. Also, what’s with Chandler always falling asleep? He should probably see a doctor. This would never happen.
4) Taking work off at the last minute without first checking just to head over to Vegas for a few days. And while we’re on the topic, again, how are they affording this?! This happens in season 5 episode 23. Yeah sure, they’re able to just book some last minute tickets over to Vegas, especially Phoebe, again the one without an apparent job. And Ross and Rachel agree to going as well before even checking with work? Yeah, I’m sure it will be fine. This would never happen.
5) Having breakfast with your friends before going to work. Who ever has time to cook up a feast of a breakfast for their friends on a Monday morning? And who ever has time to GO to their friend’s house in the morning for breakfast? Who socializes with their friends at this time of day? The most my flat mate gets out of me in the morning is a “murr” as I shuffle my way into the bathroom to have a shower. What time do these people wake up in the morning? This would never happen.
6) Working as a waitress with no job experience or post study degree in fashion merchandising or similar, to having a high profile position with a worldwide designer, your own office, and an assistant in a little over five years. I’m going to wager a guess that it would take at least ten years of slumming it in the fashion biz to get a position like the one Rachel ends up with, and that’s after working your ass off as an intern, and doing some really mundane positions in between. Rachel just seems to glide her way up the corporate ladder in no time. Uh huh. This would never happen.
7) Having your boss call a random cafe just to fire you. I’m referring to season 2 episode 5. As they’re all sitting in Central Perk, Monica gets a call on the landline and is fired from the restaurant she works at for accepting steaks as a gift from their restaurant supplier. What kind of employer fires an employee over the phone? And if they did, how would they track them down at a cafe they hang out at, find the phone number in the phone book, and then happen to call while they just so happen to be there? No. This would never happen.
8) Having all the time in the world to just hang out with your pals all day, every day. Simply put, it doesn’t seem like any of them have any kind of responsibility at all in life and seem to have hours on end to hang out at the coffee shop and do absolutely nothing. I’m lucky if I see my close friends once a month. This would never happen.
9) Showing up at your friend’s office during the day, just to chat or in the case below, have an anniversary picnic? When does this ever happen? If my friends ever visit me at work, which they don’t because I don’t have all the time in the world like our pals in Friends and am lucky to get a full hour to eat lunch, they wait downstairs in reception for me. They don’t just come strolling up into the office straight past all of my colleagues and throw a picnic on the table, or start up a casual conversation. This would never happen.
10) Letting the mother of your child just up and leave with your baby and move to another continent. Yep I’m talking about Ross and Rachel, specifically in the last two episodes of the 10th and final season. Rachel gets hired at Louis Vuitton in Paris and decides to move there. At no point does Ross bring up any concern at the fact that his daughter will be so far away, only that Rachel will be gone. What sort of custody agreement do they have in place? What kind of terrible father would just allow some woman that they aren’t even in a relationship with take their child that far away? Let’s be honest though, Ross doesn’t seem to be the greatest father in the world, he did slowly fade Ben out of his life. What a dick.
I know, I know, the show isn’t real. But come oooooon!
Hall Dawdle 