People In Public That Need To Fuck Off

1)

Jesus street preachers. I bet Jesus doesn’t appreciate you making his sons and daughters deaf by screaming his praises within earshot. He’s not around anymore to heal us so lay off will you? 

2)

Ugh seriously. Possibly the worst social movement to ever become a worldwide trend. I don’t want strangers touching me, let alone wrapping their entire unfamiliar and possibly sweaty and germ ridden bodies around mine. Quick, rub me down in Purel and wrap me in cellophane, and for god sakes get this hippie bitch off of me. 

Props to this kid, he’s got the right idea… 

3)

Tourists. Need I say more? Go home. 

4)

PDA’ers. Why do you do this? And in the worst possible places? I don’t even like my own boyfriend sticking his tongue that far down my throat, why the shit do I want to watch yours do it to you? Get a room…and start a college fund for the accident you’re on the way to conceiving. 

5)

“Hahaha! We are the best of friends! Let’s link arms and skip and block off anyone who’s trying to get around us on this busy street! La la laaa!” Walking down a busy street is not a game of red rover. People have places to go and things to do, and if you don’t get the the fuck out of the way don’t think they won’t plow right through the lot of you breaking your precious chain, giving you an idea of what your friendship will likely be like after high school anyways. 

6)

Flash Mobs. There is a special place in Hell for these people. As if busy shopping centres aren’t annoying enough while you’re trying to find a last minute wedding shower gift that hasn’t already been bought by everyone else, but the last thing I want to encounter is a gaggle of happy-go-lucky people who have chosen to use their free time in life to do this. Pretend to be everyday shoppers just like the rest of us and then BOOM, it’s suddenly the pool scene in From Justin to Kelly, everyone’s living nightmare.

7)

Ugggghghghghdfhdsfsdafasbadsfoafb!!!!!!!! Chuggers. These people top the list. They’re the only ones you can’t actually tell to “Fuck Off” because your normally absent conscience (Another drink? Why not. Dance on top of this bar and dry hump this poll? Sure. Take my boss home even though it will totally be awkward in the morning? Sounds like a good idea!) prevents you from doing this. You know they are doing good for humanity, but you can’t help but want to punch them in their tree hugging, save the whales, we are the children, balls.